Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons.
I did NOT say you suck. But I did think it. A lot.
Bad news makes better news than good news.
You are beautiful, so start being beautiful.
Don’t count on everyone else to fix your life for you.
If you are going to rule over a man, rule over a powerful man.
Don’t just cheer for the winners.
Don’t try to show me how smart you are. It isn’t working.
Your life is not the Benny Hill show and no one wants to see you running around in your underwear chasing beautiful women.
Prepare for the end of the universe by living life in the present.
One small Valium in the morning can change your whole day.
Have the guts to stand up for what is right.
If you don’t do your job, who will?
When you are learning to levitate you want to start at the bottom and go up instead of starting at the top and going down.
I don’t have time for a mid-life crisis.
Before you can be amazing you have to show up.
First have discipline and then you can be liberated by it.
Children are lovely. As long as they aren’t mine.
A good performer is not necessarily a good teacher.
Stop hurting others because you fear the unknown.
You can always be the big fish in the little pond, but you stop growing after you have already eaten all the smaller fish.
Things aren’t as bad as you think, they are far worse.
There are some people I would like to friend just to have the pleasure of unfriending them.
Vacations: paying lots of money to travel to new places where you get to stand in long lines, deal with hundreds of other tourists, and get annoyed by entirely different people.
Go be a judgmental dick somewhere else. Or better yet, don’t be a judgmental dick at all…
For our ancestors the world was difficult but simple. Now our world is easy but complicated.
Only old witches lay golden eggs.
To achieve great things you must first have the courage to put yourself out there.
Alcohol is cheaper than therapy.
Stop trying to please everyone. Try to please yourself.