Don’t regret what you have not lost.
Teamwork is essential for sharing the blame.
An honest comment is easier to remember than a lie.
The problem lies where you slip, not where you fall.
There is no impetus to be an early bird getting the worm when you can just order room service.
A hand on the penis gathers no moss.
Experience is what we should obtain from our mistakes.
To a dog, a guinea pig is a walking pez dispenser.
Sometimes the best answer is just “get me another drink….. NOW!”
True strength means you are mature enough to walk away from all the bullshit.
Looks fade; stupid is forever.
Good frosting can be eaten directly from the bowl.
If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.
Those who believe in the balance of nature are the ones who don’t get eaten.
Spare the rod, spoil the spankings.
Don’t try on a shoe you don’t want to wear.
We are always in the manure, only the depth varies.
There are two ways to shut off my brain – the television or a spike through the forehead. I choose the former.
If you don’t know where you are going, it doesn’t matter how you get there.
Being charming is not the same as being sincere.
The more important the call, the less likely you will hear the ring.
Working through difficulties leads to greatness.
It takes much bravery to stand up to our enemies, but it may take even more to stand up to our friends.
Sometimes it’s the principle of the thing, but, sometimes, it’s just about the money.
Your smile can be a shield.
The nicer the hotel, the worse the television channel selection.
The dove’s shit stinks just as much as the pigeon’s.
Great men and good men are seldom the same person.
Continuing to repeat a lie does not make it true.
Deluding yourself is even worse than trying to delude others.
The world could use more nonsense.