It is always darkest before the early bird catches the worm.
That which takes no courage should not be considered heroic.
A headless cockroach starves to death.
A cover-up is often worse than the crime.
If you think you have found the fountain of youth, check to make sure it is not just the fountain of immaturity.
Don’t just cast a vote for your own interests, think about the greater impact to society and cast a vote for the future.
You don’t always have to be doing, you can just be being.
If you can’t be believable, try to be entertaining.
Bitching about other people not working really makes the day fly by.
Restraint. Try it.
Just wipe your ass and deal with it.
There is no I in team but there is a you in fuck you.
You can ask about the severed head in the freezer only when it is in your freezer.
Life is only disappointing if you have expectations.
Pussy… It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
The next best thing to having a personal dresser is having a personal undresser.
Everything I need to know in life, I learned from TheTwilight Zone.
A douche is always a douche.
In the banquet of life, don’t sit begging for crumbs.
It is always darkest before the fat lady sings.
Don’t use a chainsaw when a butter knife will do the job.
The problem with having children is that people expect you to set a good example for them.
Just because someone doesn’t like your outfit doesn’t mean that they don’t like you.
Character reveals itself in how you treat those people who can provide nothing for you in return.
Just do what I tell you and don’t ask questions, damn it.
I know I should mind my own business, but it isn’t as interesting as other people’s.
Just because I like nuts, doesn’t mean I want yours in my mouth.
Beauty is in the eye of the advertiser.
Who cares if the glass is half full or half empty as long as I can get refills.