Consensus appeals to the lowest common denominator.
It is better to vent steam than explode hearts.
A lollipop lick can’t mask the lingering taste of unwashed penis.
Your solutions may not solve the problems of others.
Once upon a time is really here and now.
Children make terrible pets.
If you dig good holes you will be rewarded with a bigger shovel.
Don’t lie, but you don’t always have to be honest.
Don’t be the only person in the room telling the truth.
Don’t push yourself onto a crowded train when the one right behind it is empty.
Don’t languish over misspent hours.
It’s always darkest after the jagermeister.
The hardest days deserve a relaxing night.
Even if it’s not your fault, it’s your responsibility.
Why lie awake worrying about past mistakes when you can lie awake dreaming about future opportunities.
You can have 20 years of experience or 1 year of experience 20 times
The element of surprise isn’t in the periodic table.
Sometimes we get things we don’t deserve.
The light is always brightest on the mornings when you are hungover.
The bloated tick digs deeper.
Give me burlesque or give me death.
The dry sponge cleans poorly.
Fuck when the invitation is open.
The syrup from another spigot always feels stickier.
Some wines improve with age while others turn to vinegar.
When you can’t sleep it is better to do it with company.
Abstinence does not make for good family planning.
Life is full of unsuffered consequences.
Forbidden fruits make many jams.
Don’t just settle for being average.