I have decided that the Proverbs of the Day need a resting place, so I am going to archive them here. I am planning on playing “catch-up” with prior proverbs, and then subsequently, posting them after a month has been completed. Hope you enjoy!
To dress is human, to strip divine.
Rumor travels faster than truth.
A dick in the hand is worth more than two in another’s bush.
Better to curse the darkness than burn yourself trying to light a candle.
Being charming is not the same as being sincere.
Don’t stomp the one who taught you to walk.
A stitch in time may ensure your ass doesn’t fall out of your pants.
A rising dick lifts all sheets.
A woman’s place is wherever the fuck she wants to be.
More is more.
Rhinestones don’t grow on trees.
The nipple is mightier than the belly button.
Two is company, three is ménage à trois.
Cerberus says, “Three heads are better than one.”
We all make mistakes, so fuck it.
You can’t milk a dead cow.
The early bird can’t stay up as late at night.
Talk is cheap, unless it comes from your attorney.
If seeing is believing, the blind are bucked.
You can polish a trud, but you still end up with crap.
Man does not live by condiments alone.
It is better to get something nice than an ugly piece of crap.
Flattery gets some people everywhere.
Don’t throw the diamonds out with the confetti.
A master of disguise often remains anonymous.
A shaking ass gathers no moss.
A drowning man forgets to float.
Be fruitful and learn your multiplication tables.
Blessed are the burlesquers, for they shall be sparkly.
He that is without desire, let him cast the first pastie.
The grass is always greener when you are high.
The nut doesn’t fall far from the squirrel.
You can lead a whore to a penis, but you can’t make her swallow.
Good wine is a terrible thing to waste.
The meat is mightier than the bun.
Spare the toothpaste and spoil the smile.
He who fails to get directions is lost.
Boredom comes to those who wait.
Chaste makes waste.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one that’s more fun.
The only thing scarier than one fool is many.
He who hesitates…….. What was I saying?
Many hands make light work, unless you are spoiling the broth.
He who is without foolishness let him cast the first pie.
Blessed are the meek for they keep their damn mouths shut.
Dealing with the devil you know is a bitch.
The rabid dog hates everyone.
You only hear what you think you should hear.
That’s what I said, it’s not what I meant.
A crook thinks like a crook.
A fox in the henhouse is not a vegetarian.
Don’t sing in public if you can’t carry a tune.
Eating honey doesn’t make your shit smell sweet.
Age does not equal maturity.
The crying clown makes others laugh.
Never judge a book by the opinions of idiots.
Time and public transportation wait for no man.
When you are already crawling in the gutter, the fall to the bottom is short.
Beware of geeks bearing gifts.
It is better to be on top of the tiger than underneath.
The puppet doesn’t walk alone.
The blind dog sees with its nose.
Butter is the seventh food group.
Don’t cry if the silver spoon in your mouth is tarnished.
It is easy to be cocky when you are a prick.
Fire in the loins is good unless you are actually smelling smoke.
Spare the sugar and spoil the pie.
You can’t unpeel the orange without getting your fingers damp.
Prosciutto and bacon are still pork.
You can lead a cat to the litter box, but you can’t make it poop.
The fly on the wall sees the situation from a different perspective.
Don’t piss off the bear when you are covered in honey.
The length of the banana isn’t important if it isn’t a firm banana.
The barking dog is not asleep.
The rooster crows louder near the hens.
The cow who jumped over the moon did not have four hooves on the ground.
The rabbit’s hole is not designed to hide an elephant.
The bird with no song of its own steals others.
A tart apple can still make a sweet pie.
The snorting laugh tickles everyone.
Insanity breeds contempt.
If you have multiple personalities, it is best to be on speaking terms.
The psychopath doesn’t care.
One litter leads to many mice.
The top of the pyramid looks down to a sea of smiling faces, but the bottom looks up to a sea of asses.
The rabid dog cannot reason.
Ties may bind, but handcuffs are better.
A cracked egg is better than a cracked mind.
The pronged tail only hurts coming back out.
The hair of the dog is hard to get off your clothes.
Even the crouching tiger must shit in the woods.
Fool me once, fuck you, you asshole!
Fool me twice, fuck you again!
The honey bee fights to the death.
Pride in your work is not the same as being an arrogant asshole.
Even the fuzzy bunny can bite.
The goose that lays the golden eggs has no offspring.
The seed sown in the hand becomes sticky.
The devil and the deer both have cloven hooves.
If you try to milk a bull you may get kicked in the head.
Tell me who your friends are, so I can facebook them too.
Fortune smiles on assholes.
He who walks barefoot may get splinters in his toes.
Without the wolf, red riding hood would not be famous.
The pen is mightier than the computer when you have no power.
A pig a day is a lot of pork.
A good ass can carry a lot of baggage.
When the trunk is squishy, the tree is dead.
Fireflies in a dark house are fucking annoying if you are trying to sleep.
If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.
The pussy in the well is a pissed off cat.
A good sausage is hard to find.
A dead rose can still draw blood.
A goldfish never remembers.
I before E unless you are reciting the alphabet for a drunk test.
Rise and get me some coffee damnit!
Drastic times call for some hot tea and a warm blanket.
Never bite the hand that is wrapped around your penis.
Keep your chest up and your titties high.
Practice makes perfect, unless you are practicing it wrong.
Hot wax gets cooler the further it falls.
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you’re just totally insane!
Every dark cloud is filled with a nougat center.
The bigger they are, the harder they punch you in the face.
You can’t take it as carry-on and you can’t check it unless you pay $50.00
Blood is thicker than vodka, unless you add jello.
Go the extra half-inch.
A house divided against itself is called a tenancy-in-common.
Every cloud is a visible mass of water droplets or frozen ice crystals.
A leopard can’t change his spots unless it has a really good hair dresser.
Variety is the premise of the Kama Sutra.
Don’t look a gift horse up the ass, you may get shit on.
It takes two to tango and at least three for crack the whip.
A bird in the hand may peck the fuck out of your thumb.
A mime is a terrible thing to waste.
Just because you can float in a pool does not mean you can swim in the ocean.