Did you say… Relax…?

So, most of you probably have heard the song Relax, right? By Frankie Goes to Hollywood? Well, if not, you can listen to it here: https://youtu.be/oh4tHpUflDA

If you know the lyrics to the song, you will probably think, like I do, that this song ‘s title is rather an oxymoron. Let me give you a sample of the lyrics:

“Relax don’t do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don’t do it
When you want to come”

So the title is Relax, but then the lyrics say – don’t do it. And the musical rhythm is pounding and regular and not what I would put in the “relaxing” mode. I would say that my typical rules for relaxation have been – perhaps subconsciously – impacted by the song. Because, usually, Relax? I pretty much don’t do it. What did you do to relax? I cut out a new costume and danced. Yep. My “relaxing.” Or, if I am being really relaxing, going for a long walk. Because it doesn’t actually accomplish anything…

But, I am learning – it may still be a bit of a journey – the benefits of relaxing….

For the past month or so I have been exhausted. Not wanting to do anything, falling asleep early, being lethargic, slow, just lacking the usual energy I have. I had tons to do and was getting nothing done. And that made me feel cranky and no more energetic. Plus my body wasn’t healing and my muscles weren’t relaxing/releasing. They were tight and painful and just pretty much pissing me off. I was frustrated because I was “catching up” on sleep. I felt like I was having more than enough sleep, actually. I figured that maybe I was lethargic because my life wasn’t stressful enough at the time and so I lacked surges of adrenaline to keep myself going. That may be true – however, the problem with that is that you don’t really want to rely on your adrenaline full time. Because it actually wears your body down and makes your body more stressed out. Bummer. Because, apparently as a general rule my body really loves adrenaline.

So, I was wondering if there was something terribly and horribly wrong with me – I mean, more than the normal things I already know are wrong with me.   I am getting older. Was this it? Had I finally reached the point of no return? Was life all downhill from here? I was going to quickly become my grandmother, sleeping the bulk of the day on the sofa telling people that I was way too perky to actually take a nap in bed. (I already tell Mr. Velvet I am fine and then fall asleep on him when we watch movies on the sofa.) Nooooo! (Note: I am not worried about becoming my grandmother. I am much more likely to become my mother. On the other hand,, I am way too similar to my father to really become like my mother….)

Anyway, feeling like garbage – physically and mentally (because I wasn’t getting enough DONE and that makes me pretty much a loser…) I took a few days off from work with Mr. Velvet. We went on a trip to Mendocino. If you have not been to the Mendocino area, there is not a whole lot up there, and yet there is. There are old Victorians, the forest, the ocean, some cute shops and state parks with hiking nearby. We stayed in a cute hotel, did a lot of walking and hiking, a little shopping, sufficient eating, and some driving around. I brought stuff to “do” like sewing and choreography and ended up doing NONE of it. We slept when we felt like it. I even took an actual nap one day. We pretty much relaxed… (I also made the decision that I don’t know if I can ever totally and entirely “retire.” I will probably have to do something like teach dance classes or do consulting or some such thing like that.”)

And guess what? When we got home I actually started feeling like myself again. I was productive again. It wasn’t necessarily the stuff that I was chastising myself for not doing for month, but it was still stuff. I started spring cleaning the house, finished three choreographic dances in process, started getting little things done and just feeling like I had energy again to do things. I don’t know. Maybe my body and brain were bored with relaxing and needed to do something again. Maybe they got some rest finally instead of pseudo rest where I was chastising myself all the time I was “resting” for not being productive and pretty much stressing myself out for it. Whatever reason, I felt better. And I am still feeling better. And I am trying to keep busy – within reason when I can. Some nights I am busy, and then, some nights I am not. One night last week I came home from work, ran an errand, cooked a decent dinner, and then relaxed and read a book and watched a movie with Mr. Velvet. That was all. And a couple of times guilt started to creep in and I said to myself – “Stop it.” Because – even though I am apparently a workaholic, I, too, need to actually relax once in awhile.

So, maybe I need to rewrite the words of the song “Relax” and create a more reasonable version for myself – and maybe others who need to hear it too…

“Relax, just do it

When you need rest get to it it

Relax just do it

Rest when you need some….”

Proverb for the Day Archives – March 2017

Self care is a pathway to power. 
Look for slivers of quiet in your life.
Change is the only constant. 
When life gives you lemons, you don’t get scurvy.
Yes, I do like you. I just really don’t have the time or energy to be human with you right now.
Bad feelings don’t come from nothing.
Hysterical, maniacal laughter is still laughter. 
Solve problems, don’t create them. 
We spend too much time chastising ourselves for what we do wrong and not enough time celebrating what we do right. 
To sleep, perchance to heal. 
Sleep is underrated. 
Smart people learn from their own mistakes. Brilliant people learn from the mistakes of others. 
The most worn books are usually the most read.
You can’t lie all the time. 
I have not given up, but sometimes I need to refuel my engine. 
Being pro-sexuality does not make me anti-feminist. 
I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change, I am changing the things I cannot accept. 
No, you haven’t. And you probably never will. 
I can live without you. I just prefer not to. 
 I cannot make the world idiot proof. 
Loners unite!!!
Sometimes people can need you too much. 
Movie villains are always one step ahead until the moment that they fail miserably. 
Dream for what you want and then plan for your dreams. 
If you could live on the fence the grass would always be greener on all sides.  
I’m not tired. You’re tired. 
Don’t fulfill other people’s expectations for yourself, fulfill your own. 
No. I am not impressed. Should I have been? 
Better to be tired and happy than well-rested but miserable. 

I. Am. Tired.

 

I wish I had something really compelling to write about, but I don’t.  My brain is kind of fuzzy and the one thing it can really focus on is this:
                                               I Am Tired.

Which brings to mind the song lyrics from the song I’m Tired in the movie Blazing Saddles.

               “I’m tired
Sick and tired of love
I’ve had my fill of love
From below and above
Tired, tired of being admired
Tired of love uninspired
Let’s face it
I’m tired”

Because, we have all had those days, even Madeline Kahn (or at least the character she plays.)  And lately, it seems like a lot of people I know are having those days.  But why?  Why do we have those tired, sluggish, can barely even think days?  (Why Santie Claus, why?)

We use up a lot of energy.  And there are times we pull all of our physical reserves in order to make it through because we are faced with additional stressors.  And right now, most of us have a LOT of stressors.  Just reading the news right now can be a major stress inducer!  Those stressors can be external (such as the election and impending results), internal (such as pulling a muscle or fighting off a cold), or brainy and thinky or stress things (because the brain is actually the biggest consumer of energy in your body).  And we all harness that energy and energy requirements differently.  From the time I was a teenager to now I have a propensity to get sick after a big event.  Examples: Big choir concert – I get a cold the day after.  Lots of travel and stressful assignments end and then I get a migraine afterwards.  I empty the “health reserves,” if you will and when they are empty, my body does a big “Fuck you!” to myself.  It would be great to manage that better ongoing, but I haven’t fully managed that capability yet.  And then, it always changes, too.  Just when you think you have all the right combinations, they change.  And your body forgot to send you the new codes.

And, of course, we all blame stress.  And stress can be exhausting.  But it is more exhausting if we think of it as exhausting.  Lots of things are “stressful” but it is what are brains tell ourselves that make it better or worse.  In a Harvard Business School study done in 2014, participants about to make a public presentation were either asked to calm down or told to rethink their nervousness as excitement.  The study found that calming down didn’t reduce stress, it just made people feel worse about being stressed.  Turning those nervous feelings into the product of excitement were better able to channel the energy their body created into positive outlets.  And which is less exhausting in the long run?  Trying to calm your nervous energy ineffectively or using the energy you already have from being stressed and channeling it into what you are doing?

Studies have shown that the physiological responses from terrified stress and from excited stress don’t actually differ.  So, make your approach positive.  Your body can’t tell, but your brain certainly can.  Apparently the traditional stressors we think of as ‘fight or flight’ are really indistinguishable from “excite or delight.”  Therefore, let’s give our brains the opportunity to “excite or fright.”  Excite seems so much better and certainly does our brain and dispositions better.  While the physical toll may be the same, the mental impact will be less damaging.  You might as well channel your energy into feeling amped up versus feeling panicked.    Other stress strategies include considering how you can use the stress (and how you have used stressful incidents in the past) to strengthen you and grow your insights and abilities.  How has given that first terrifying speech or performance helped you learn and become a better performer?  Positive goals will help you have a more positive outlook and will help you approach stress from a different perspective.  It also helps you see yourself in the future – either past the stress, without the stress, or channeling the stress in different ways.

Finally, make the issue about something bigger than yourself.  Realize that when you help others, you also help yourself.  If you are the one to reach out and hold someone else’s hand when you are both stressed out, you will likely be getting the most benefit from that interaction.  Just helping and encouraging others can help you create stress-relieving changes in your own brain.  This isn’t just feel good talk.  Apparently, neuroscientists have studied the brain and giving support reduced stress significantly more than receiving support.  If you don’t agree, don’t ask me – I am NOT a neuroscientist.  Just passing on the message…
So, tired.  Yah.  I get it.  And right now it looks like many of us may be stressed and fighting (there are just some things you can’t get excited about) and then tired for maybe at least four years.  Not counting all the other stressors we have, too.  But, as much as we can, let’s try to channel our stress and help ourselves so that we can get through these difficult times a little bit easier and with a little less mental and physical damage to ourselves.

So, here is to excitement, growth, and REST.  Because you know, sometimes sleep alone just doesn’t cut it.

Viva La Resistance!

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So, if you are like me, you are probably wondering, after having Trump in office for less than a month, how we are going to survive the next four years?  We are going to do it one day at a time, one crisis at a time, one lie at a time, and most importantly one convert at a time.

Convert.  Yes, we must continue to talk and to convert.  The following example is from someone on Facebook who shared her experience CONVERTING.  She was asked, as so many of us have been:

“You know–many people don’t understand why the women were marching.”  I immediately went into defense mode but he wouldn’t let it go. He kept asking questions, and then *LISTENED* to the answers. I shared with him the statistics on rape convictions. I told him about the rape kit backlog and gender rating and parental rights for rapists. I told him how many people could lose access to their health care if the ACA is repealed, and what this does to women who need prenatal care. I told him a little bit about my story of trying to report a crime and being victim blamed and he stood there–with his mouth wide open.  Finally he said, “Wow. I had no idea. So…what do I do? How do I help?”  You guys, if even just a FRACTION of us who marched have just ONE of these conversations and open even just one mind–we will make progress.  Don’t let the negative comments and negative media get you down. It means people are talking and what we did worked.  The largest and most peaceful demonstration in United States history will ripple out in ways we cannot even fathom. Just wait.”

This is beautiful.  Explaining our thoughts, our reasons, why we are fighting, why we are speaking out.  And sometimes we will win.  Sometimes we won’t.

I lost my “relationship” with my father-in-law the week after the women’s March. Not that it was really a relationship since Mr. Velvet and I moved to Louisiana so he could attend graduate school.  The man accused me of a double standard, tried to belittle my friends who argued with him, and then basically said he thought I could handle alternate options – although he never actually espoused any of them.  He then said he would NEVER be a part of our lives again.  Great!  Because if this is how he engages, I do not want him in my life.  Every battle is not going to be a win.  But we still need to keep fighting and keep trying, because sometimes our voice and our arguments are going to make their way through.    With that in mind, as we argue our points, here are some tips to try to remember:  these are summarized from judyringer.com, an article on “Being Heard: 6 Strategies for Getting Your Point Across.”

  • Understand your situation and their situation.
  • Don’t sell, blame, or accuse.  (Note: if they don’t have positive intent, this may not be something they are open to hearing.)
  • Communicate your goals.
  • Stay interested. Don’t forget that everything you experience is filtered through your perception.
  • Center yourself and extend positive energy. Do not lose yourself in the argument.
  • There are no guarantees. You may not win and you may never get your point across ever.

Rule number one is to protect yourself.  If you are not taking care of yourself, your physical and psychological well-being, you cannot continue to fight the fight, argue, and stand up for what you believe in.  Don’t engage when you are not going to get anywhere – that is the time to disengage and take care of yourself.  We are in this for the next four years: This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Keep up the fight and support others who are fighting!  Whether through words, articles, art, demonstrations – it is all resistance!  Viva la resistance!!!

Proverb for the Day Archives – February 2017

Peter Pan seems pretty adult compared to others, but then again, he didn’t have twitter.

 

Someone else’s success is not your failure.

 

There is a chance I am wrong, but it is infinitesimal.

 

Love yourself exactly where you are.

 

It is difficult to be happy for someone else’s 5-course meal when you are looking for dropped seeds at the side of the road.

 

Events must be endured to be learned from

 

I hear voices in my head. Usually my own telling me to get my ass up and get to work.

 

Life is short, buy more shoes.

 

Don’t perpetuate the bad things you tell yourself.

 

Once you agree that I am right, we can continue the conversation.

 

Don’t regret the past, just drink more.

 

At least when I talk to myself I know someone intelligent is listening.

 

However deep you bury an unpleasantness, a dog will always dog it up.

 

Maybe you go with your plan and maybe you don’t, but you can always start with a plan.
I don’t like you nagging me either.

 

Luck favors the prepared.

 

I know you are, but what am I?

 

Be your own heroine.

 

People who have more birthdays live longer.

 

Don’t sell fear, embrace courage.

 

Your truth does not equal universal truth.

 

Do not judge people who have little to nothing as one day you may find yourself with nothing at all.

 

I don’t hate people. I just feel better when they are not around.

 

Caffeine is life.

 

Stop pouring your whine. I am done.

 

The more you give yourself, the more you can give to others.

 

Remember: You can only run away from your problems for so long before they catch up to you, tackle you, drag you into a nearby alley, and ultimately slit your throat.

 

 

 

Proverb for the Day Archives: January 2017

Life would be easier if I was happy being mediocre.
A moral compass can only point you in the 

right direction.  
If the early bird gets the worm what time do I need to arrive for the lobster?
I like murder mysteries but I don’t want to become one.  
If you have time to clean, you aren’t reading enough.
When you already have justice you don’t need to fight for it. 
You don’t have to give up all your toys just because you are “grown up.” 
Don’t let there be a day when you say “I give up.”  
Unfortunately , humanity is only more important than business if you are humane. 
You don’t have to be practical. You don’t have to be solvent either. 
Research before you speak. 
A rainbow only shows itself in the light.
Other people’s negativity isn’t worth worrying about. 
Not everything I say is political. Just most of it. (Particularly given the fact that less than 100 years ago I would not have been allowed to vote.)
Don’t fight for your own freedom only to turn around and chain others. 
Great things take time. 

You have overcome challenges before and you will overcome them again. 
Why break someone in when you can get someone that is already broken. 
The worms crawl in. 
Make America think again.
Girls just want to have fun-damental rights.
Do not belittle others. Do not belittle others. Do not belittle others. Do not belittle others. Do not… but it would be so easy…. belittle others. No. Stop it. Just…. (sigh)…
Really? You actually believe that shit?  
Dissent is patriotic. 
We cannot hide behind our hands from the world around us.  
Some people just want to see what happens when they destroy what others cherish. 
Whatever you do, do it well. 
Mortals create all the tragedies.  
Progress takes place outside the comfort zone. 
To become happier, be grateful for what you have.

New Year Goals

Happy New Year!

Here is truly wishing you a great 2017. I know that 2016 was rough for a lot of people and I hope that 2017 is an easier one. That said, I had a lot of really great things happen in 2016 that I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on, even for all the bad things that happened during the year. It is easy to dwell on the negative instead of the positive, so here is to good thoughts and positive thinking!

That said, I don’t usually set New Year’s resolutions for myself. If I want to lose 5 pounds, read more books, whatever it is, I usually don’t wait ‘til the start of a new year to begin the endeavor. However, this year I have set – I will call it a goal – for myself and I really hope that I can manage to achieve it. That goal is to be happier and have more fun in burlesque. “Fun?” you say… “Isn’t that why you do all this burlesque stuff? To have fun? Is it not fun?” Well, yes, it is fun. It is still fun. But it has become less fun because my expectations and demands for myself have increased to the point of obsession…

Let me take you back in time to my second ever burlesque performance. I had a great time, I was over the fright and dismay at my First-Ever burlesque performance and all I had was pure enjoyment. I got on stage, I danced, the audience screamed. I was so happy and excited. After the show, I cried. And Mr. Velvet, being the caring person that he is, asked, “Why are you crying?” And I said, “Because I had so much fun and I may never have that much fun doing this again.” And he basically said, “That is stupid.” He said a lot of other things, too, but they amounted to basically “What are you thinking? Of course you will always have fun as long as you want to have fun and if you aren’t having fun then stop doing it…”

But you know what? I was right. And he was wrong. Because sometimes I know myself better than anyone else knows me, including Mr. Velvet. (And sometimes he knows me better than I know myself, so neither one of us is right 100% of the time – although we would both really like to be right 100% of the time. Or at least I would… I think he really just wants me NOT to be right 100% of the time…)

But, as usual, I digress. So, why did I lose the fun? Because I place such great demands upon myself and upon my psyche. And I do a lot of things. And they are fun, but they are less fun because I have demands upon myself and others have expectations of me and I have expectations of what I should be providing others. And sometimes I get scared because I am afraid I am not progressing or I get so stuck being afraid that I can’t always take the next steps I need to take. My brain gets in my fucking way because it is shouting “What are you doing? Why do you want to do that? Oh, that step again? Don’t you have anything new?” You know, all the negative shit. Because my brain is not Stuart Smalley and it doesn’t tell me every day, “I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!”

So, I have a lot of expectations of myself and where I want to be and what I want to achieve. I have drive. And most of the time that is great because I get a lot of shit done. I do shit and then I do more shit. The bad thing is that I worry that the shit I do really is shit. Not that it isn’t fairly okay shit, but I want to make great shit. I want to “Be all that I can be…” and I am not even in the Army. Well, maybe I am in Velvet’s Army. My huge army of one person.

So, in my effort to make better shit, I forget to have fun making it, creating it. I have the initial idea, which is fun!! And then I get caught up in the doing and the thinking and the “how can I make that better” and sometimes it starts to become not as fun. Now… you say “well, if it isn’t fun, you should just stop doing it.” WRONG!

First of all, it is still fun – it just isn’t as fun. You know – it is like your first trip to Disneyland as a kid is AMAZING… and as you get older it is still fun, but it will NEVER be as fun as it was when you were 8 years old and experiencing everything with a fresh eye.” Well, I just need to figure out how to bring more fun to a non-fresh eye. The question is: How do I bring a little more joy into the process and still improve myself and what I am doing? And have more fun. And sex. I need lots more sex. ‘Cause that is always good to throw in there, too. I could just go out on stage and suck, but that wouldn’t be fun either. (And when I say suck, I don’t mean the sex kind of suck because, while that might be fun, it would not be legal to do on stage…)

Second, my brain won’t let me stop now. I don’t even want to do things sometimes but I am compelled to do them and my brain… will… not… stop. I choreographed a dance to “good old desk” one time, even though I know I cannot take a desk on stage and do this dance, but I had to choreograph it because until I did I could not get the idea out of my brain. It is like my brain is possessed. And then, there is this Trump Hair act that I am working on now – which I did not want to make, but my brain said “HERE IS AN IDEA…” and then the other part said, “how could I possibly …. “ and then my brain said, “You will figure it out, grasshopper…” And I did. And then I figured out the next part and so on and so on. But I can’t stop because my brain won’t let me do that either. And if I did stop, then I would not just be not having as much fun, I would be absolutely miserable…

Now, how am I am going to have more fun? I am not sure, but I am hoping my brain can help me on this. I mean, since I now have it as a GOAL, and since I am DRIVEN, I am hoping my brain will start pushing for FUN, FUN, FUN!!!! Isn’t that how it is supposed to work?

So, wishing myself achievement in my goal of fun (and sex) and hoping the same for you! Happy New Year!

 

 

Proverbs for the Day Archives – December 2016

I value the opinions that you keep to yourself.

 

If you can believe in absurdities you can commit atrocities.

 

Teamwork is about the team, not about the leader.
I am proud to be a feminist.

 

Sometimes you just have to let a ship sink.

 

I am not your parent, therefore, you do not get to treat me like shit.

 

Everybody knows something you don’t.

 

I always have answers, but they may not be answers to the questions that you are asking.

 

The secret of a good bluff is not to bluff.

 

I have no idea what I am doing out of bed.

 

Focus on what is right rather than who is right.

 

Your decision-making skills closely resemble those of a squirrel when crossing the road.

 

Don’t blame others for things you do.

 

We do everything for a reason, even if we don’t know it.

 

Why blame yourself when you can blame technology?

 

I am sorry. My ears heard you, but my brain was too distracted by everything else to actually pay attention.

 

When you stop trying to be perfect you can get better.

 

Don’t start a war you can’t win.

 

I don’t have a problem with caffeine.  I have a problem without caffeine.

 

Beautiful shoes are not worth falling on your face.

 

I am not here to apologize.

 

Create the world you want to inhabit.

 

The holidays: that time of year when we travel sometimes long distances to reunite with our families and remember why we moved away in the first place.

 

Tis the season of re-gifting.

 

I know you are an angry unhappy person.  Just try not to be a bitch about it.

 

The future is promised to no one.

 

I will only worry about the voices in my head if they start telling me to stay home and get pregnant.

 

Let’s be irresponsible together.

 

The worst monsters we will ever face are the ones we create ourselves.

 

 

How The Trump Stole Feminism…

How the Trump Stole Feminism

                                    By Nasty Velvet

trumpgrinch

Every Her down in Her-ville liked feminism a lot…

But the Trump, who lived just north of Her-ville, Did NOT!

The Trump hated feminists! The whole feminist reason!

In his white male mind, women in control was treason.

It could be, his head wasn’t screwed on just right.

It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his brain was two sizes too small.

 

But whatever the reason, his brain or his shoes,

He stood there on inauguration eve, hating the Hers,

Staring down from his penthouse with a sour Trumpy frown

At the warm lighted windows below in Her-town.

For he knew every Her down in Her-ville below

Was planning a feminist march, just for show.

“And they’re wearing their pantsuits!” he snarled with a sneer.

“Tomorrow I’m inaugurated! It’s practically here.”

Then he growled with his orange fingers nervously drumming.

“I MUST find some way to stop feminists from coming!”

For tomorrow he knew all the Hers and Her-Allies

Would wake bright and early and rush for their rallies.

And then, Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!

That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

 

Then the Hers, young and old, would sit down and speech

And they’d speech! And they’d speech! And they’d SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH!

They would speech on Her-rights and more on Her-equalities,

When Trump only wanted to know “Were there Hotties!”

And then they’d do something he liked least of all.

Every Her down in Her-ville, the tall and the small

Would stand close together with guitars and bells ringing.

They’d stand, hand-in-hand and the Hers would start singing.

They’d sing! And they’d sing!

AND they’d SING! SING! SING! SING!

And the more that Trump thought of this feminist sing,

The more that Trump thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”

“Why for so many years I’ve put up with it now!

I MUST stop these feminists from coming! … But HOW?”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

The Trump got a bad hombre awful idea.

“I know just what to do!” The Trump laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Abe Lincoln hat and a coat.

And he chuckled and clucked “What a great escapade!

With the coat and this hat I look like old Honest Abe!”

“All I need is a horse…” And Trump looked around.

But, since he was in a penthouse, there was none to be found.

Did that stop old Trump? No! The Trump simply said,

“If I can’t find a horse, I will make one instead!”

So he called VP Pence, grabbed a mop with a strut

And he tied a mop tail to the crown of Pence’s butt.

Then he loaded some bags and some stockings he’d rinsed

On a huge roller suitcase that he hitched up to Pence.

Then the Trump said, “Giddap!” The Roller bag started down

Toward the homes where the Hers lay a snooze in Her-town.

 

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the Hers were all dreaming about women who dare.

When he came to the first little house on the square.

“This is stop number one,” the old Trumpy Abe hissed.

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney, rather tight for the grump.

But in Abe’s stove pipe hat it seemed fitting, thought Trump.

He got stuck only once for a moment or two

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.

He saw little Her-pantsuits lined up in a row.

“Those pantsuits,” Trump grinned, “are the first things to go!”

Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant

Around the small house which befitted a peasant.

He took everything he thought Hers found essential!

High heels! Dresses! Curlers and bath oil!

Then he stuffed them in bags, then the Trump, very numbly,

Stuffed all the bags one-by-one up the chumbly.

He slunk to the bathroom. He took the Hers blush.

He put all the birth control in the toilet to flush.

He cleaned out that bathroom as quick as a flash.

Why that Trump even took the last bit of bath splash.

Then he stuffed all that goop up the chimney unseen.

“And now!” grinned the Trump, “I’ll take the washing machine!”

The Trump grabbed the machine and he started to shove

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast and he saw a small Her!

Little Jennifer-Her who was two and demure.

The Trump had been caught by this tiny Her daughter

Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water.

She stared at the Trump and said “Honest Abe, why?

Why are you taking our washing machine? WHY?”

But you know that old Trump was so twisted and sick

He thought up a lie and he thought it up quick.

“Why my sweet little tot,” the fake Abe Lincoln lied,

“There’s a buzz on this machine that won’t buzz on one side.

So I’m taking it out to a repair shop, my dear.

They will fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head

And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.

And when Jennifer-Her went to bed with her cup.

He took the machine to the chimney and up.

Then the last thing he took was a pencil for writing.

He felt they’d have nothing and in that was delighting.

The one speck of hair spray that he left in the house

Was a tad too tiny to style the bangs on a mouse.

Then he did the same thing to the other Her houses

Leaving hairs spray too little for the other Her mouses.

 

It was a quarter past dawn… all the Hers, still a-bed

All the Hers, still a-snooze as he piled stuff up to Pence’s head.

Packed the suitcase with their pantsuits! The lipstick! The hairspray!

The birth control pills that the women took each day!

Thirty-three flights up on the glass elevator

He rode to his penthouse, feeling like a savior.

“Pooh-Pooh to the Hers!” he was Trump-ishly humming.

“They’re finding out now that no women are coming!”

“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”

“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

Then the Hers down in Her-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!”

 

“That’s a noise,” grinned the Trump,

“That I simply MUST hear!”

So he paused. And the Trump put a hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low. Then it started to grow…

But the sound wasn’t sad!

Why this sound was EMPOWERING!

It couldn’t be so!

Hers should be crying and cowering!

He stared down at Her-ville! The Trump popped his eyes!

Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Her down in Her-ville, the tall and the small,

Was singing! Without any pantsuits at all!

He HADN’T stopped feminism from coming!

IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Trump, with his Trump hair flying to and fro,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”

“It came without pantsuits! It came without hairspray!

It came without birth controls pills Hers took each day!”

And he puzzled three hours, ‘til his puzzler was sore.

Then the Trump thought of something he hadn’t before!

“Maybe feminism,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a suit.

Maybe feminism… perhaps… could there be more to it?”

And what happened then? … Well, in Her-ville they say

That the Trump’s hombre balls Shrunk three sizes that day!

And the minute his pants didn’t feel quite so tight,

He worried about his own four-year plight.

He was not prepared for the presidential stress.

He worried about how he’d manage this mess,

One he was unprepared to handle… if he… HE HIMSELF…!

The Trump must confess!

Proverb for the Day Archives: November 2016

The quieter you become, the more you can hear.

 

Sexual assault should not be a partisan issue.

 

Some people make me nervous when they don’t say anything. Other people are better with their mouths shut.

 

Some days you just do what you can.

 

I know how urgently you needed that report so it could sit on your desk for two weeks.

 

People can (and should) be sexual without being sexist.

 

People are driven by emotions beyond our comprehension.

 

I am pussy hear me roar.

 

We don’t live in Mayberry anymore.

 

Get your hand OFF of my pussy.

 

It is not selfish to take care of yourself.

 

Be gentle but fearless.

 

Learn from everything.

 

Be the light.

 

To keep a fire going you have to periodically add fuel.

 

Inspire others with your words, your deeds, your art, yourself.

 

Argument is 90 percent emotion and 10 percent nonsense.

 

Knowledge isn’t power until it is applied.

 

All of us are smarter than some of us, except for when we are stupider.

 

The mind is our best friend and our worst enemy.

 

Yes, I called you an asshole. I thought you knew.

 

Give thanks for what you have, what you dream, and who you love.

 

Hell is the truth learned too late.

 

Annoy your relatives by thinking for yourself.

 

I just want my pajamas and a hot toddy.

 

I’ll always be there when I need you.

 

Obstacles are there to teach us something.

 

Dare to be diverse.